So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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