plz talk dirty to me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
