and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
