So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
