Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
