oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
