I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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