i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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