2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
