I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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