Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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