Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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