this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
please come you make the beer taste better
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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