You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
