Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
