so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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