What a fucking waste of an outfit
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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