Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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