omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
