Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize