Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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