i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
