The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
