saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
