Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
