She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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