Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
