Whoa Z and x make the same sound
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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