I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
