I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize