The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
