You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
