She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
