Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
PANTIES FOUND
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