She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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