tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
