Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
