Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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