Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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