I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
