Tell her she can't have a vagina
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
