I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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