I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
