There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
