So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
