we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
