I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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