so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
