It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
