Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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