Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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