He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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