I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
