I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
