My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
