Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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