"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's Friday. Sex?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
