OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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