shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
