If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
