I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
