if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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