I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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