Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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