I haven't been this sober since birth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
