my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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