She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just found a bag of teeth...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
