I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
